Are Life's Stingrays Posing a Threat?

Some of my fondest memories of my childhood can be traced back to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. It's where my family would often vacation when I was young, before we ultimately moved there years later, when I was eleven. I remember building sandcastles with my mom and dad, eating at seafood restaurants, walking the beach, swimming in the pool, staying up later than normal (as kids get to do on vacation), playing miniature golf, flying kites on the beach, and sitting out on the balcony of the condo to enjoy the views and the ocean breezes. These are such great family memories to hold on to, but the memory I treasure more than any of these happens to be a particular time I was in the ocean with my dad.

On this particular occasion, my dad and I were in the ocean jumping waves and enjoying the feeling of the water splashing against us. My dad made sure to keep a tight grip on me, and I held him fairly firm as well, because my skinny little self was certainly no match for some of those big waves! (At least, they were big to me then). Next thing you know, something quite unusual happened. Amidst all the fun we were having, my dad and I happened to notice the lifeguards begin to blow their whistles and motion for everyone to get out of the water. Danger had crept into the situation in the form of a stingray that had made its way right there into the shallow waters where we, and many others, were having so much fun. Of course, without hesitation, everyone (including my dad and I) immediately began to move quickly to the shore. As we did, my dad did something that took me off guard! - He jerked me up all of a sudden and placed me on his shoulders, without any explanation! He then proceeded to walk us both to safety. I couldn't understand why he had allowed us to walk a little distance while just holding on to one another, only for him to yank me out of the water without any warning before reaching the safe shore a dozen or so yards away.

It wasn't until we were both safely on the shore watching some guys catch the stingray with their fishing equipment that I asked him, "Why did you pull me out of the water like that? Was I not moving fast enough?" And my dad's answer is what has made this particular memory something I will never forget! As we watched the fishermen pull in the stingray and cut off his stinger (only to release him back into the water thereafter), my dad said to me, "Son, I believe I saw the stingray for a moment, and it appeared to be very near you, and I wanted to get you out of the water."

The reason I cherish this memory and will always be eager to share it is probably obvious: it was a beautiful display of a father's unselfish love and protection for his child. My dad could have chosen to head-off in the opposite direction after spotting the stingray, while leaving me to fend for myself, but that wouldn't have been much of a real dad. Instead, my dad made my protection his top priority. He got me out of the water as quickly as he could (as he placed me on his shoulders), and then he calmly walked us out of the water, all the while making sure not to point out the stingray and frighten me all the more.

While this story speaks volumes about my dad's love towards his son, it should serve to remind us all about God's love towards his children. The Bible says that if natural fathers (like mine) know how to treat children with love, how much more so does God love us and want to give us good things? You see, God desires to protect us and shield us from life's stingrays just as my dad did for me in the literal sense. When we look to God as "Abba Father," and when we're holding fast to him and him to us, we can always count on him to be there for us in the midst of danger and turmoil. Psalm 46: 1+2 says "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear ..."

If you're currently surrounded by some of life's stingrays, if doom seems to be on the horizon, if you're in a mess and you don't know how you're going to handle it, here's some simple advice worth following: Stay connected to God and allow him to carry you through it! Draw close to God (James 4:8), and make God your shepherd (Psalm 23) so you can say like David, "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death (or the waters of life's stingrays), I will fear no evil, for God is with me."

No More "Disappointment Rooms!"

HGTV - "If Walls Could Talk"
My wife Amy and I love to watch HGTV, and one of the many shows we occasionally get to enjoy is a show entitled, "If Walls Could Talk." This particular show is all about exploring the history of homes and the unique (and sometimes very valuable) items found inside the home or elsewhere on the property.

Disappointment Rooms - The Laurie Dumas Story
Recently, Amy and I watched an episode showcasing the home of a couple (Jeff and Laurie Dumas) in Rhode Island. If I remember correctly, there were several items of interest, such as furniture and original paintings, that were revealed on the show. But the most interesting feature of the Dumas home was a strange room that existed in their third floor attic. Laurie Dumas explained that she and her husband could not figure out what the room had been used for; it was a small room with a metal floor, a drain in the middle of the floor, no doorknob on the inside part of the door, and a lockable doorknob on the outside. Laurie tried her best to discover the reason for the room's existence, and with no luck she checked old newspapers and books specific to her community. While she discovered that the home was built by a prominent judge many years ago, and while she likewise discovered all kinds of information about that judge and his family, she still couldn't find one clue as to why the family had built such an odd room in their attic. It wasn't until one day when she was recounting her story to some coworkers at the local library (where she worked) that an elderly lady walked up to the desk Laurie was sitting at, placed her little hand on Laurie's hand, and said with a degree of sadness, "Honey, you have a 'disappointment room' in your attic." At that, the elderly lady turned to walk away, but Laurie was quick to seek further information from her, and she asked, "What is a 'disappointment room?' I've never heard of that." The elderly lady then explained that disappointment rooms were unfortunately somewhat common years ago; it is where families would occasionally keep and hide children with Down syndrome, or children who were really sick, or children born with deformities. After receiving this new information, Laurie researched and discovered that indeed the judge and his family had been hiding a 'disappointing' secret with that odd cage-like room in their attic. There had been a girl named "Ruth" who died at five years old, which (as the only mention of her) was found on the father's gravestone epitaph. The judge, his, wife, and several of their kids had been occasionally mentioned in newspapers (as they were a prominent family in their day), and they all had birth records, but aside from the sole mention on the father's epitaph, little Ruth was never mentioned, and there were no birth records ever discovered.

As Laurie later discovered, families that utilized 'disappointment rooms' for children with special needs did so because, years ago, there wasn't a lot of information concerning how to help and treat these children, and parents didn't know what else to do. Moreover, if these children were brought before the public, fathers were sometimes unable to advance politically and mothers were ostracized and never invited to social events and women's programs, because people unfortunately believed that the 'parents' were responsible for their child's situation. Therefore, parents would lock-away their children in 'disappointment rooms' in order to keep their 'disappointments' hidden from the world, sometimes (as in the case of Ruth's father) taking their secret to their grave.

Disappointment Rooms - The Rose Marie Kennedy Story
Perhaps you remember the story of Rose Marie Kennedy, the sister of John F. Kennedy and Ted Kennedy. As a teen, Rose Marie was a bit moody and a bit slower than other children, but still rather bright (as most sources reveal). Late into her teen years and into her early twenties, Rose Marie loved having boyfriends, partying, and spending her parents money on the 'wild' side of life. Unfortunately, Rose Marie's parents made a big mistake when Rose Marie was 23 years old, and they decided to take her to have a lobotomy (which involves cutting into the brain). Unfortunately, lobotomies were acceptable practices year ago, and Rose Marie's lobotomy left her mentally incapacitated for the rest of her life. For the longest time, Rose Marie was hidden from the world and kept in "disappointment rooms" in order that nobody would discover her family's big mistake.

Disappointment Rooms - Your Own Story (The Spiritual Parallel)

If you're wondering why I have taken such effort and written so much about disappointment rooms, it is because you and I are guilty of creating disappointment rooms of our own at times. Of course I am not referring to literal disappointment rooms like the ones used for Ruth and Rose Marie. Rather, we create disappointment rooms within ourselves to hide our own shortcomings and disappointments from the world! For example, some of us try hide our sin, struggles, and shortcomings from everyone (including God) while we wear a phony smile on our face. Maybe we're hiding our pain and guilt, suicidal thoughts, sexual sins, negative feelings, jealousy, envy, bad attitudes, a negative self-image, and sinful thoughts and habits. On the other hand, some of us are hiding our scars and disappointments (many of which we had no control over, pertaining to their existence) such as things that have happened to us (abuse, rape, abandonment), the environment we are currently in or the one we grew up in, and health problems and sickness. Both of these lists could go on and on, as many of us are actively hiding away our disappointments, sufferings, struggles, sins, and scars from the rest of the world! Unfortunately, some of us don't seek help, we don't speak about our disappointments, we pretend before others that there are no disappointments, and we say that everything is fine. And sometimes we plan on taking these very disappointments to our grave, if need be, just so long as nobody ever finds out about them!

The Good News - Disappointment Rooms Are Not Necessary!

The good news for followers of Christ is that disappointment rooms are not needed. The Bible makes it clear that Christ followers should not be in the business of creating and maintaining disappointment rooms; they are unnecessary! Of course Christ followers are not perfect, and disappointments will abound (both because of our own making and those that come from sources out of our control), but the Bible advocates two things that we can do (as apposed to creating disappointment rooms) when faced with various sins, struggles, shortcomings, sufferings, and disappointments. These two things can be found within James 5:13-16.

James 5:13-16 (NIV)

13Is anyone of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. 14Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. 15And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. 16Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

(1) Talk To God About Your Disappointments!

Verse 13 of James (above) commends Christ followers to "pray" whenever we are in trouble. The Greek word for trouble is "kakopatheo," which means "to suffer, endure hardships, and face troubles." In other words, when we are facing disappointments of all kinds, we should talk to Jesus. As an old hymn used to put it, "Have a little talk with Jesus, and tell him all about your troubles. He will hear our faintest cry, and he will answer by and by!" No longer should we hide our disappointments on the inside and try to cope with them on our own; Jesus wants us to talk with him! If you didn't know it already, Jesus is very compassionate, and it pains him to see us suffer (especially when we're trying to deal with suffering by ourselves). The Bible reveals that Jesus would even take compassion on those who were hungry and tired after he had been speaking to them, and so if he cares about the most basic of human needs, don't you think he cares about that disappointment room that has been plaguing you? Remember, this same Jesus took compassion on Mary and Martha when they (and others) were mourning the death of their brother, Lazarus. And I believe Jesus is no doubt crying over some of us (in a figurative sense) and our disappointment rooms because he knows the pain we're in, and he's just waiting on us to come talk to him about it!

Sometimes we may feel too ashamed to talk to God, and we might feel like keeping it hidden from God (as if that were even possible) is the best road to take. But Hebrews 4:14-16 tells us that God is able to sympathize with our weaknesses, and this passage encourages us to "approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." We should take our sins, our struggles, our pain, our sicknesses, our scars, and all other disappointments to God! 1 Peter 5:7 tells us to cast all of our anxiety on Him! Philippians 4:6+7 also tells us to take everything to God, and it promises that in return God will give us peace to guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Wow, that's an unbeatable deal! How can any Christ follower rationally hold on to a disappointment room with an opportunity like that? But as if this wasn't enough good news, there is a second thing that we can do when faced with disappointments.

(2) Talk To Others About Your Disappointments!

James first encourages us to talk to God when we face troubles and disappointments, but we're also told to talk to others as well! James 5:14 says to take sicknesses to the elders of the church, and then verse 16 says that we are to confess our sins to each other and pray for each other so that we may be healed. You see, God wants us to go to other Christ followers and share our disappointments with them, and he wants us to pray for each other! Of course, this doesn't mean that we all should stand at the pulpit of the church and announce our disappointments to everyone, but we should go to pastors and other spiritually mature people who we know we can trust (and who have our best interests in mind) and tell them what we're going through. Likewise, we should be people who others can confide in, as we pray "powerful and effective" prayers for them! We need to be for each other like the friends of the paralytic (in Mark 2) who lowered their sick friend through the roof to get him to Jesus. We need to start opening up some roofs in the spiritual sense and start taking each other's disappointment rooms directly to God! More than that, we need to stay in good relationship with God so our prayers will be powerful and effective. The Greek word for "powerful and effective" that James used is "dikaios," which means a person in right standing with God. If we're not in right standing with God, we can't pray for each other as effectively as we should.

Recap - Conclusion

In summation, Christ followers should never be burdened with disappointment rooms. Rather, we have a better course of action. We can confidently take our disappointments to God, and we can also take our disappointments to others, as we pray for each other and minister to each other on a personal level. If you've been harboring disappointment rooms in your own life, get rid of them today!